Dutch Wedding Customs

Dutch wedding customs involve a number of beautiful traditions. Like many European cultures, the Dutch wear their wedding rings on their right hand, favoring simple designs. Photo ©EraGem Jewelry   A Dutch wedding follows many of the traditional European customs. However, a few distinctive rituals ensue, including the completion of two guest lists.  

Two Guest Lists

Dutch couples typically prepare two guest lists. The first includes their closest friends and family members. These "day guests" participate in every aspect of a Dutch wedding. The second list opens up into their wider social networks, to include extended family, coworkers, and acquaintances. (source) A typical Dutch wedding begins mid-morning at the bride's parents' house. Their "day guests" enjoy a light snack of coffee or tea and "small bites." Everyone passes photos passed around, tells stories, laugh and hug. Meanwhile, the bride and groom prepare for their upcoming ceremony.  

Dutch Wedding Attire

Many Dutch brides follow the European tradition of wearing a white wedding gown. Meanwhile grooms wear a dark suit or a tuxedo. Day guests typically dress in Sunday best, but formal clothing remains reserved for the bride and groom. If a Dutch bride wishes her day guests to dress more formally, she makes a note on their invitations. Customarily, guest attire proves far more casual for a Dutch wedding than for most U.S. weddings. A Dutch bride and groom often enjoys their morning reception together, thus they often prepare together and travel to the ceremony venue together. Furthermore, all their day guests travel with them to the venue.  

Weddings in Holland

As a secular nation, the laws of Holland do not recognize a religious ceremony as a legally binding marriage contract. (source) Those couples who desire to be married by a priest or pastor must plan two ceremonies. Over the first, a government official presides. This civil representative spends time getting to know the couple before their big day. These civil ceremonies usually include music and readings by the bride's and groom's closest friends. They also include a brief account of the couple's love story, shared with guests by the officiant. Religious ceremonies typically follow the civil ceremonies and routinely incorporate a full church service. The pastor or priest offers a full-length sermon or message on a topic related to marriage, and the rites and rituals of that bride's and groom's denomination govern which rituals they perform. A Dutch wedding ceremony, whether civil or religious, usually includes both sets of guests, the day guests and the broader list of acquaintances, etc. Following the ceremony, the smaller group of day guests accompany the bride and groom to the reception venue. The remaining guests go home until after dinner.  

A Dutch Wedding Reception

At the reception, the couple sits beneath a canopy of evergreen boughs. This display of greenery symbolizes everlasting love. (source) Here their friends and family members toast the couple with champagne and eat wedding cake. Guests present the bride and groom with gifts, which they open in the company of their day guests. The couple lingers over every gift, admiring each one and passing them around for all to see. As the guests ooh and aah and wait their turn to peek at all the lovely gifts, they snack from bowls of brandied raisins passed around for nibbles. Following the toasts and gifts, the couple and their day guests enjoy a formal feast. These feasts serve as a pivotal event of the day. Again, only the day guests, their most intimate friends and family members, partake of this meal with the newlyweds. In addition to a main course, servers present traditional sweetmeats called Bruid suikas (Bridal Sugar). The chef arranges five pieces of this special savory pastry in tuule bags, which represent the hope of love, happiness, loyalty, prosperity, and virility. A spiced wine called Bruidstranen (Bride's Tears) is also served. In addition to the pungent spices, gold leaf is a customary ingredient in this special mulled wine. The golden flakes symbolize the tears of joy shed by the bride on her momentous day.  

Let the Dancing Begin

After dinner, attendants clear the tables and arrange the dance floor. Then they turn up the music and open the bar. At this point, guests from the second guest list return to the venue. Everyone kicks off their shoes and starts in with a proper Dutch celebration - a dance party with a festive air of joy and love and laughter. Rumors abound that Dutch wedding receptions prove the best of the best, typically carrying on until 2AM or later. Dutch wedding traditions focus on the simple pleasures of a couple's favorite stories, favorite songs, and favorite people. Their family and friends celebrate them all throughout the day, then send them away on their honeymoon buoyed by all their love and support. It all sounds so very lovely to me. ~Angela Magnotti Andrews